by Rick Mazzola - Staff Writer

In a bid to take on Anheuser-Busch, SABMiller and Molsen Coors Brewing Company have joined forces to form MillerCoors. When asked whether they would buy the newly renovated Death Star to brew their vast quantities of beer, the new conglomerate would only say "to brew both Miller and Coors in the same facility, the artificial planet would have to be expanded into something so large it would probably block out the sun". Rebel craft beer makers see the merger as a non-issue, noting that "these two brewers were so large to begin with that any additional growth would probably cause them to collapse in on themselves".

Wondering whether a joint venture between the second and third largest beer makers would be good for the galaxy and it's terrorfied inhabitants, the US Justice Department, or the Crazy Old People in Robes as their known to beer drinkers across the cosmos, have prepared an array of laser equipped satellites to ward off any unsanctioned negotiations.